You Know You Are Gifted When. . .

We recently went out to pick up some food with my parents. When it was time to leave, we couldn't find my dad. Guess where we found him?

Learning all about the restaurant's new computer system for tracking tables. He told us all about it on the way home. He said that he had seen a red flashing light on the host table's computer and was concerned. After receiving a crash course in the system, he regaled us with it for the twenty minute drive home. . .

Sound like anyone else you might know?! Hope it gave you a laugh to realize your child is not the only one curious and learning everywhere he or she goes!

More on Gifted Girls

I wanted to share a list of tips by Dr. Sylvia Rim for helping your gifted girls. I think they can be applied to all gifted children, but they were written especially for parents of gifted girls.

1. As parents, be coaches, not judges. Coaches encourage, have high expectations, praise, criticize, and set limits, but children accept coaching because they believe coaches are in an alliance with them and on the same team. Judging parents direct their efforts at finding misdoings and punishing appropriately. Parents who are continuously judgmental alienate their children because children feel like they are against them.



2. Emphasize intelligence, hard work, independence, sensitivity, and perseverance in your daughters. De-emphasize the importance of appearance. Relationships that are appearance-based fade as may pretty appearances. Relationships based on shared interests and values have much more potential for depth.



3. Set as high expectations for your daughters as for your sons. Expect post-high school education whether or not you attended college. The American Dream is real for women too.



4. Teach healthy competition. Encourage the exhilaration of winning, but don't always let girls win. Winning builds confidence; losing builds character.



5. Don't pressure your daughters to fit in socially. Many girls feel different during adolescence. Help them to feel comfortable with their differences and redirect their energies toward positive activities like music, drama, debate, science, sports, or religious activities.



6. Encourage your daughters to be involved in all-girl activities like Girl Scouts, and consider all-girl classes or schools if boys cause them to lose confidence or distract from their learning.



7. Encourage your daughters to read stories about successful women. The successful women in the study found such stories inspiring. Help girls to be comfortable with math from preschool on including counting, measuring, and scoring. Teach spatial skills through puzzles, games, and building activities.



8. Don't let birth order get in the way of giving each of your daughters leadership opportunities, responsibilities, and some of your time alone.



9. Consider traveling with your daughters--the whole family, mother-daughter, or father-daughter excursions. By high school, encourage independent trips with school groups. Travel provides a spirit of adventure, enrichment, family bonding, and self-confidence.



10. Be an active role model for learning and developing your own career. However, regardless of how busy you are, preserve time to talk with and listen to your daughters daily.

Permission Statement

Copyright © 2000 by Sylvia Rimm. All rights reserved. This publication, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without written permission of the author.

Shy Girls?

Being gifted is challenging for all kids, but particularly for gifted girls. Society is not as encouraging of giftedness in females as it is in males, studies have proven time and time again.

We need resources to help our girls reach their potential. I love Dr. Sylvia Rimm because she does exactly that! I have led several studies of her book See Jane Win for Girls and have seen how it has helped young gifted girls grow.

I wanted to share this article with you today. If you have a gifted girl who is shy or sometimes fearful, Dr. Rimm has some great advice to share with you.

Great Post. . .

I wanted to direct you all to this great post by Tamara Fisher, whose blog I read regularly. Here's an excerpt. . .

***

National Parenting Gifted Children Week - Raising a Gifted Child

Timed in conjunction with the annual SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) conference, this week (July 19-25, 2009) is National Parenting Gifted Children Week, an awareness event sponsored by SENG and NAGC(the National Association for Gifted Children).

Parenting a gifted child is not the cakewalk others seem to assume it is. Just because your child is smart and (typically) does well in school, it seems others believe that therefore you've got it made as a parent. What trouble could there possibly be with such a worry-free kid?

The parents of my gifted students often approach me a little hesitantly for the first time when bringing up a parenting issue, question, or concern. They will usually qualify their inquiry with some sort of "Well, but..." statement: "Maybe I have nothing to worry about, but..." or "I know there are other kids who are probably in much greater need than my child, but..." or "Perhaps I should just be happy she does so well, but..."

See, that "Well, but..." in their inquiries is a tiny window into the deep concerns they feel they must hide from other parents, their child's teacher, their closest friends, and sometimes even their spouse. From the outside everything looks so great, and certainly there must be other children out there with far greater problems than mismatched academic content, super-sensitivity, undiagnosed learning disabilities, teasing from age-peers, ulcers developed from worrying about the world's problems, questions a parent isn't sure how to answer (from a 7-year-old: "If Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.... ...then does that mean Jesus, too?"), insomnia ("She won't go to sleep until midnight!"), friendship problems ("He just doesn't relate to kids his own age, so how is he ever going to find a friend?"), and so on and so on. The reality is that because of issues like these (and many others), parenting a gifted child -while still a joyous blessing, as with parenting any child- can also be chock full of qualms, uncertainties, and worries that few (outside of other parents of gifted kids) seem to "get."

When I respond to their "Well, but..." inquiries by telling the parents of my students that I'm well aware parenting a gifted child is not the cakewalk others seem to think it is, they consistently respond with visible relief... their shoulders relax, tears well up in their eyes, and in many cases those tears brim over and flow. They don't want to be seen as "pushy" and yet they KNOW their child's needs aren't being met or that their child has a problem that could become much bigger if left unchecked. I'm typically the only person they dare bring these "Well, but's" to because it's clear they fear bringing it up to anyone else. And many of them wait to get to know me for a few years before posing any such inquiries.

With this being National Parenting Gifted Children Week, I wanted to take this opportunity to send a grand kudos out to all you parents who take on the endless energy, intensity, questions, sensitivity, and possibility of your gifted children. You're not alone on this complicated, rewarding adventure! "

Gifted Kids in Action: Math Check

I was recently at a birthday party for a group of kindergartners, one of whom I formerly taught. We went to the Build A Bear Factory and the kids had a rollicking good time. I was particularly amused as the children went about making their decisions for purchases. They each had $20 and it was amazing how quickly their math skills returned to them! I overheard this conversation between one gifted kiddo and a salesperson

Salesperson: Okay, so you are going to get this bear and this sound, right?
Partygoer: Yes, that is right.
Salesperson: Okay, so then you are all done. You need to go have a seat.
Partygoer: Um, excuse me? The bear was $13 and the sound was $5, so I'm pretty sure that I still have $2 left to spend.
Salesperson: Oh, my mistake. Go ahead and see if you can find some clothes or something for $2.


Somebody should have warned them that this was a birthday party for gifted 5 year olds! They'll keep you on your toes!

Making Friends

I moved to a new school this year from my previous school. As I have tried to remember names of team members, fit in with existing cliques and forge a place for myself, I have been thinking of my gifted students who are also moving to a new school as our program shifts.

The start of the school year is often preoccupied with anxiety for gifted children. One of the primary concerns is in making friends. Whether moving to a new school, moving to a new classroom or being rearranged into new classrooms from old peers, this transition can cause serious emotional angst.

Gifted children tend to have more difficulty making friends. They are intellectually advanced compared to their grade level peers, however they are often slightly less socially and emotionally developed than their age mates (see my thoughts on asynchronous development in previous posts for more on this anomaly).

What can you as a parent do to aid your child in making and keeping friends? I have compiled a few helpful suggestions.

• Don't offer quick fixes. Making friends is hard. Period, full stop. It takes time, patience and a healthy dose of providence. It is not as simple as telling your child to invite a friend over for a play date or to just be nice to everyone. Simple platitudes are going to distance your child from yourself and make them even more isolated than they already feel. Don't pressure your child into making friends, or try to find friends for them. It is an awful feeling for an elementary school child to realize that their moms are making them be friends. . .
  

• Encourage your child to become involved. Think of the friendships you have grown over the years. There foundation can usually be found in shared experiences. The same is true for children forming friendships.

• Practice social skills. Gifted children often struggle with social interactions. Help your child be aware of certain behaviors that are more conducive to making friends. Practice regulating your volume (many gifted kids have trouble with this). Experiment with learning about personal space. Role play how to call a friend. Pretend to have a conversation with someone you meet at a club. These are life skills that do not come as easily to gifted kids as do math, reading and writing. But they are no less important in achieving success in life.

• Be supportive. The most important way you can help your child is to care. Listen to their concerns. Sympathize over missed opportunities to attend events. Validate their emotions with a simple "I'm sorry. I know how hard that is." This will do wonders to grow your own relationship with your child as they struggle to navigate this difficult experience.

I hope these tips help your child! Please let me know your thoughts, and if you have other ideas that have worked for your own children or students.

Meet the Teacher Advice

We are coming up on Back to School time here in the next few weeks. I wanted to offer one piece of advice for when you go meet your child's teacher.

Remember the focus of the Meet the Teacher event. Focus on meeting your child's teacher. This is a time for your child. Focus on seeing what old friends are in their class. Take a look around the classroom and stir up your child's interest for the year to come. Notice class pets, the library and other items which may spark enthusiasm in your young one.

Gifted children tend to feel anxiety in new classroom situations- particularly if they had a really good teacher, or a really bad teacher, last year. This is your time to start building a new foundation for a successful year of learning. Now is a wonderful time to start a bond between the teacher and your son or daughter.

This is not a time for you as a parent. Try to avoid grilling the teacher on their credentials, background and experience. This information will come soon enough in welcome letters and at curriculum night. If your school does not have those events, make an appointment to talk to the teacher.

Many parents use this time to hold impromptu initial parent-teacher conferences. This is awkward at best and detrimental at worst. The teacher is trying to meet all the students and parents as well as maximize this time to set children at ease for the first day. By monopolizing her time, you take her away from that important task. In addition, your child, other parents and other children are listening as you list all of your concerns for your child's success. This can set your child off on the wrong foot with both the teacher and the other parents.

I hope this helps you enjoy your time meeting your new teacher- who knows, some of you may even see me when you walk in the door!

Upcoming Book Study

Hello There!

I want to welcome you to participate in an online book study! I will be hosting an in-person book study this coming semester for parents within my school district. I'll post the discussion points that we cover in the study, and invite you to comment as well.



The book that we will be reading is available through my books link. It is called The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids, by Sally Yahnke Walker. This book is a great introduction to what it means to parent a gifted child, and is also a great refresher for those of us more familiar with giftedness.

We will begin in August, so order this great parenting resource if you do not already have a copy!

Letter to a Teacher

Each year, at the beginning of the school year, I give an extra credit assignment for parents. I send home the following task, and ask parents to return it to me. If your child is in a public school setting, I encourage you to complete this "assignment" whether your child's teacher requests it or not.

I am always delighted, inspired and encouraged by the letters that the parents write to me. It is so wonderful to get started in the school year hearing how amazingly talented these children of immeasurable potential are and the love their parents have for them. . . Here's the assignment:

***

Dear Family,

Too often, the lines of communication between parents and son/daughter are strained during these early adolescence years. Even more so, the amount of positive communication between family members and the son/daughter decreases. I believe that every student of mine is special in some way. In order for me to recognize their talents at the beginning of the school year, I would appreciate your help. I hope that by participating in this exercise, you also will recognize the many talents that your son/daughter possesses. Please take a moment to read through this essay, and respond by writing me a letter about your son/daughter’s special talents. Please send this letter back to me with your student as soon as possible. I encourage you to allow your son/daughter to see what you have written. Everyone deserves to have his/her talents recognized. Thank you and I look forward to reading your letter. You may also email your letter to me if that is more convenient.

Sincerely,

Sarah Robbins

Your Child is Talented

James I. Hymes, Jr.

(paraphrased)

Every student has at least one unique strength or talent. Only a few stand head and shoulders above the rest in schoolwork. Academic brilliance is only one kind of talent. Some schools focus on it, but we mustn’t let that blind us to students’ many abilities. We must nurture every talent of every individual. Not to do so is sheer waste.

School grades are important, but they can trap us into thinking that they are a measure of all abilities. This simply is not so. Youngsters have many talents that aren’t identified with school tests and that don’t show up in grades. Let’s look at Tom, a C student, whose grades say that he’s only average. Yet Tom is talented for he has the ability of ambition. He sets his sights high. He uses every ounce of his power; nothing goes to waste. This means that all his life he’ll do better than many who have more native intellect.

Peter Miller, 14, has the talent of curiosity. Most youngsters merely do their assignments that take routine learning for granted! Not Pete! He itches to know everything about everything. The whole world fascinates him. His schoolwork suffers sometimes, because he doesn’t limit his curiosity to the assignment. His mind is always reaching; this is his special strength.

And there’s Bill. He’s not talented in the school’s special sense; his grades are only a little above average. But Bill has another way of shining; he has a way with people. People like him. They like to talk to him. They like to work with him. They turn to him. He is easy going and interested in people. Talent with people is sorely needed in a world where skill in human relations lags far behind the “brilliant” skills of science and technology.

Probably no school ever called Elaine talented, but fortunately, her mother feels that she is. Elaine just passes her schoolwork. Sometimes she is a little above average, but she works hard. Persistence is her rare and valuable ability. She will always be one who never gives up.

Joel’s talent is organization; he’s the one who engineers the group in the classroom. He is a top-notch administrator in the making.

I watched a sixteen-year old boy the other day. Quite accidentally, a teammate hit him with a baseball bat – a glancing blow, but it hurt. The hurt boy walked away, sat down awhile, and then walked again. His eyes were swimming, but never once did he cry although his face was distorted with pain. There, I believe, was the ability of courage. We need people who have courage, but we have no place on the report card to mark his quality with an A. It may go unobserved and undeveloped, and another ability is lost to the world.

Some children are talented in music, in art, in dramatics, but don’t discount the child who isn’t; he may have another talent just as important. Alex can lift more, push harder, and throw farther than all the other guys. His ability is physical strength. Never minimize this ability. There are talents of coordination, dexterity, fluency. Students possess talents of listening well, wit, perceptional awareness. Some students possess energy, while others have calmness.

To make a good world, we need the talents of each person. I know a man who has the talent of anger. Anther has the talent of a sense of humor. Talented adults were once talented children – the lucky ones whose particular talents were directed and valued by parents and teachers. Look at what your son or daughter does. Look at all he does – with his mind, his body, his feelings. Be honest. Once you look at the whole of him; you’ll see where he excels. Having discovered his strength, you are entitled to feel good about it. Don’t hide your pride and contentment. They are necessary nourishment for your son or daughter to grow.