Back to School

I think by now most everyone is back to school around the country.  A few last, lingering East Coasters hold out until after Labor Day, but other than that I think we are back.

How is it going?  What kind of school did you all decide on?  Are you off to a great year? 

I'd love to hear how this new adventure is shaping up!  My year has been terrific, and I may post some back to school memories later this week if time allows.

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Also, I will be posting about the first chapter of The Survival Guide for Gifted Parents this coming weekend, so be ready to start! 

How to Teach Assertiveness: Overscheduling

Over and over, through the years of being and working with gifted students, there is one resounding concern. This is a reoccurring cry of loneliness. Gifted kids are intuitive enough to know that there is something different about them. They don't fit in quite right. They recognize that something about them makes it harder to relate to kids their own age, and it is more difficult to make friends. They know they want them; they are just not quite sure how to go about getting them!

As parents, you have probably begun to understand the lonely world of parenting a gifted child. . . It makes sense- only 3-5% of children are gifted, which is a huge minority. We need extra special help for this extra special population!

We have been looking at some strategies by which parents can help to teach their child to be more assertive. Today, we are going to look at how overscheduling can cause children to become passive or aggressive, and also keep them from making friends.

Gifted kids usually have a wide variety of interests. They become fascinated with and fixate on many diverse topics about which their beautiful brain wants to know all of the details. In addition, parents are often worried about missing opportunities, not exposing their child, or desiring to provide enrichment like all the experts advise.

This can lead to a child who has activities every night of the week, and multiple times on the weekends. We bump from activity to activity and spend our days (and often nights) in our cars. This leaves little time to connect as a family. It also leaves very little time for your child to play. They don't have time to play on their own independently and creatively, and they also don't have much time left for play dates with friends from school and their activities. Even if your child makes friends at all of these different activities- they will not have any time to play with them! In addition, the nature of structured activities is well-suited to the inquisitive gifted mind, but it is not very conducive to developing peer relationships, as children are usually moved from task to task with little downtime or discussion.

I offer an alternative that my own parents used; and my husband and I also plan to use. Pick one or two activities per child. You may decide that you will pick one activity, and your child will pick one. Oftentimes, gifted children shy away from activities they are not good at, so it may be in your child's best interest for you to pick an activity to challenge them. You can let your child decide the other activity. Your child may choose the same activity over and over, or may pick a variety of activities for short durations. Either way is fine- just make sure they stick with the activity until the end of the session (even if they are not good at it initially). This teaches other valuable life skills.

Choosing activities in this way will stretch your child. It will also free them up to spend time with their peers. You can plan play dates for them, or have them choose friends with whom they would like to play. One great technique I have seen in my class is to arrange classroom park days or group activities. This way, gifted children can play together while the parents talk. Friendships develop amongst like minded children which can be encouraged and grown with individual play dates after initial relationships have formed.

I cannot stress enough the benefit of free and unstructured play. Whether it is at a park, in your backyard or in your playroom- it is such an important socialization tool! Think about it- in a class or structured time, your child loses out on any independent decision making, problem solving, and individual interaction. The more time they have to practice these important skills, they better they will get at them.

I also recommend a "decompress" time after play dates. This is a time where you just talk to your child about the encounters. Discuss what went well, what didn't and why. Maybe you will need to role play certain exchanges so your child is equipped for the next time that a child speaks rudely, doesn't share, or leaves them out. Your "decompress" could be as simple as a conversation in the car on the way home, over the dinner table or before bed that night. Ask open-ended questions, listen and provide feedback where needed.

Let me know if you have any other suggestions or ideas that have worked for your family on avoiding overscheduling. Try it out- you won't be sorry!

How to Teach Assertiveness: Structure

One of the primary ways to teach assertiveness is by creating a structures environment. Children love to meet our expectations-we are just not usually very clear on them! By providing a routine schedule for the day, with flexible regularity, children begin to see patterns of activities and expected behaviors for those activities.

In my class room, a favored time of day is "Choice Time". This is the time of day when students get to play with all the fun enrichment activities, games and building supplies we have in our classroom. I also use "Choice Time" to help teach assertiveness.

In our daily morning meetings, we often role play how to ask a friend for a toy if they are hogging. We practice kindly letting someone know they are not sharing. We discuss ways to share our feelings with people who are whining, stealing, or otherwise annoying us. As the students share anonymous situations and practice responding, they are becoming equipped of assertiveness.

We wouldn't expect our child to give a speech or conduct an experiment without first preparing them. Relationships are much like speeches and experiments, particularly for the gifted child. We as teachers and parents need to work together to give gifted students the skills they need for these social interactions.

Join us tomorrow as we look at how to avoid overscheduling to promote assertiveness.

**For a more in-depth look at this topic, please read Dr. James Webb's A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children**

How to Teach Assertiveness. . .

In my classroom each year, we always try to focus on the social and emotional lives of gifted students, as well as their academics. This is an area where being trained in understanding giftedness is so helpful to working with this special population.

By nature, I see most (but not all) gifted children falling into one of two extremes.

The first extreme is passiveness. Gifted kids are intuitive and understand that they don't have friendships like their peers. In an effort to obtain these illusive friends, they become passive. They follow after peers, allow decisions to be made for them, and fear stating their own opinions.

On the other extreme, we see aggressive gifted students. Aggressiveness is characterized by a lack of tact. Aggressive students are often bossy, have poor impulse control, and are prone to emotional outbursts (both verbal and physical).

What we are striving for, in order to be successful in making friends and making it in life, is assertiveness. This is the happy medium between the two pendulum swings of passiveness and aggressiveness.

This week, I am going to talk about a few different strategies for helping to teach your child or your students to be more assertive. Check back tomorrow to see how structure helps instill assertiveness.

**For more on this topic, see A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children, by Dr. James Webb**

We Need to Meet About Your Child. . .

I know these words strike fear in the heart of every parent. I was watching a television program the other night where a teacher asked to meet with a parent about her child. . . It reminded me of an experience my mom had with my younger brother.

The teachers were concerned and thought my brother was mildly mentally handicapped. My mom thought they were crazy! In the case of the television show and my brother, boredom was masking itself as a learning disability. Turns out my brother and the little boy on the show were both brilliant! My brother graduated first in his high school class, and went on to become a successful chemical engineer. Do you know who he wanted to invite to his graduations?

His first grade teacher, who thought he was "slow". . .

As teachers, we leave an indelible imprint on the children whose lives we influence. For better or for worse.

We seem to know more easily what to do with a slow or a learning disabled child than we do an exceptionally bright child. I've dedicated my career to this special population, and I will admit that they often leave me confused, frustrated and downright tired! There is no manual or guide because each child is their own special amalgamation of characteristics. . . We learn as we go in this quandary called working and parenting the gifted.

How sad it is that this population is so mislabeled and misunderstood! How many of your parents out there have had similar experiences? How many of you teachers out there have had those meetings?

My hope is that with increased knowledge will come increased advocacy as well as increased opportunity for this wonderfully unique population.

How to Know a Good Gifted Program

I was recently reading some articles for gifted educators and came accross this interesting information to share with you.

Many parents write to me asking how they will know where to place their children, or how they will know if the program is good. Here are the elements of an effective gifted program. As you meet with schools and teacher, ask them about these areas to tell whether their program will meet your family's needs.

• Program Design

The development of appropriate gifted education programming requires comprehensive services based on sound philosophical, theoretical, and empirical support.

• Student Identification

Gifted learners' abilities must be assessed to determine appropriate educational services.

• Curriculum and Instruction

Gifted education services must include curricular and instructional opportunities directed to the unique needs of the gifted child.

• Socio-Emotional Guidance and Counseling

Gifted education programming must establish a plan to recognize and nurture the unique socio-emotional development of gifted learners.

• Professional Development

Gifted learners are entitled to be served by professionals who have specialized preparation in gifted education, expertise in appropriate differentiated content and instructional methods, involvement in ongoing professional development, and who possess exemplary personal and professional traits.

• Program Administration and Evaluation

Appropriate gifted education programming must include the establishment of a systematic means of developing, implementing, and managing services with an emphasis on:

• Budgeting
• Alignment with General Education
• Strategic Planning

**Taken from the National Association of Gifted Children. For more info and resources, go here.**

On Volunteering. . .

I was recently asked this great question from a parent of a gifted child in a regular classroom:

What is the best use of our volunteer time? Their teacher for next year is not highly motivated but will probably welcome help.

Here is my response: That is a really great question! These are a few of the ways that I would offer to help.

First, so that you are successful in being able to volunteer, I would make sure that the teacher knows that you are trying to help her- not to "challenge" her. I have found that regular education teachers are very defensive with regards to having gifted kids in their classrooms. I would try to convey to her that you are not saying that she is not meeting the needs of the students or is not an effective teacher, but that you would like to help her be able to do that in the way that is best for the kids. You catch more flies with honey, they say, and I find it very true with regular education teachers.

Some of the ways that I utilize parents and tasks that you could volunteer for would be:
*Offering to lead small groups
This could be in helping to facilitate small groups for reading or math so that the students could be in differentiated instructional groups. I provide parents with training and resources, while they help with the groups. Many teachers fail to truly differentiate learning and provide alternate instruction for students because they don't have the time or the resources. Parents are an invaluable asset to managing these flexible groupings.
*Volunteering to help with remediation
In a regular education classroom (and often in a gifted classroom as well), much of the teacher's time is taken up by remediation. You could volunteer to work with a struggling student or two, go overing material the teacher has already covered and providing that extra practice the students need. This will free to teacher up to do enrichment or differentiated groupings with the rest of the class- instead of the rest of the class doing "busy work" while the teacher is working with struggling students.
*Coordinate a "Volunteer Station"
In my classroom, I have a volunteer station. It consists of a clipboard with a running list of tasks (copying, filing, laminating, collating, etc.). I put the list of tasks by the door. I also have stacking shelves labeled "copying", "collating", "distributing" and several other things. Next to them is a box for finished projects. They are right by the door, so parents can stay five minutes at drop off, before pick-up, or when they have a free half hour. This gives parents who want to help, but not work with students or who have limited time, a chance to be involved as well. I find that I do next to none of these tasks because the parents do a task, cross it off and put it in the finished basket before I can get to it. That leaves me free to do planning and work with students.

*Providing instructional resources
Parents are a wonderful source of information on new products or ideas to implement in the classroom. I have many that I would like to implement, but the school will not provide the needed supplies, and I am unable to purchase them. Two years ago, the parents chipped in to provide some of these supplies. They have helped purchase interactive simulations, supplies for model roller coasters and other items to make some truly wonderful learning experiences possible.

*Provide informational resources to your teacher
Perhaps for Christmas, the teacher's birthday, or Teacher Appreciation, you could provide a helpful aid. There are many wonderful books, instructional manuals, and magazine subscriptions that provide countless excellent strategies and guides for truly effective gifted instruction. Think about giving one of these instead of your traditional gift if you were planning on celebrating your teacher at these times.

*Encourage parents to keep in mind the bigger picture and let small things go
I have to say that, sadly, the majority of my planning and preparation time is often taken up by parents. It is so, so wonderful that parents want to be involved in the class and in their children's lives. But sometimes this is taken to an extreme, and small incidences of classroom behavior and interactions become huge ordeals filled with emails, phone calls, meetings with principals, meetings with groups of parents and more. As much as you are able, free your child's teacher to teach by not taking up her valuable time with minor issues. My husband and I have a saying: "Is this a hill we want to die on, or is this a hill we want to just climb over?" As you get ready to send an email or call your teacher to question her, keep that in mind. If you're not willing to die over it, just close the message box or hang up the phone. . . In doing so, remind yourself that this is freeing up your child's teacher to do what she was born and trained to do: teach your precious son or daughter.

*Be Supportive
We teachers work hard to make your child's learning fun as well as educational. When you see us doing something well, or your child has enjoyed it, let us know! Nothing is more helpful and encouraging than letting us know we are really making a difference. If a teacher implements a strategy or follows up on a request, let her know you appreciate it with a call or a note to let her know you noticed. We hear far more criticism than praise, and the praise is so very meaningful to a teacher. This is by far the best way you can help your child's teacher.

I hope that helps! If you would like more specifics about any of the suggestions, or had something else in mind, please let me know! Be sure to come back and tell how it goes!

Being Different is Great!

At the beginning of the school year, I spend a fair amount of time assessing and learning where my students are at in their academics in different areas. I am always amazed at the range of emotions that my gifted students show in the classroom. Let me share with you how your child may be reacting.

• The students in my class have an option to cross off a problem when they don't know how to solve it. When they think they don't know anymore, they can draw a line and stop. I always have several students asking me if it is "okay" to stop, or if they will get in trouble if they stop. They also ask if I will "not tell their parents" that they didn't know.
  

• They want you to teach it to them right then! Instead of recognizing that it is okay not to know something, they want you to teach them each and every problem that they don't know- right then!

Gifted children place so much pressure on themselves. Unreasonable pressures that we as adults would obviously not place on them. I don't share this to make parents feel badly- it is most likely nothing you did. These are internal drives that are a part of who your child is.

I share to help you be aware and to remind you to celebrate your whole child. Take time to appreciate their strengths. But also take time to let them know that it is okay to not be best at everything. Teach them to enjoy activities for the sake of the pleasure they gain from them- even if they are not very good at it. Reassure and comfort them on their bad days, and practice working through these difficult and intense emotions with them. . .

As always, feel free to email or leave a comment for more questions or suggestions!