Why the Labels?

And why this one in particular? 

Gifted. 

It sounds so snobby, so elitist.  Isn't every child "gifted"?  What makes this one so special?

Does any of this ring true?  You may have heard these comments, and you may have thought them yourself.  Of all the labels that we have in our society, in my experience, this is a particularly difficult one for folks to accept.

I have parents on campus come to me all the time, wanting me to affirm that their child really is gifted.  I have many parents who choose never to tell their children that they are "gifted".  I have had many parents ask me not to mention it in the classroom, or share that with their child.

But I refuse this last request. 

Why?

Unfortunately, in our society, this is the accepted term for children with high intelligence.  While we no longer use the term "retarded" for those on the other side of the spectrum, no new term has been coined for our equally special population.  Until we can come up with something new in order to identify this population group, I will stick with what we have.  While many people dispute who it truly applies to, the majority recognize at least a vague understanding of the meaning behind it.

Why do we need a label?

Identification is the key to change.  In our current achievement and assessment heavy educational climate, those who have been identified are those who receive services.  Those test scores mean something.  They mean your child is entitled to an education that meets their educational needs in the same way that children identified in other ways are entitled to an education that meets their needs.  Those scores, and that label, are your evidence in the battle you fight every day to make sure your child gets what they need!

That label also enables you, and your child, to be an advocate.  In my classroom, we talk about being gifted.  We don't sit around patting ourselves on the back (hello, they're six), but we talking about knowing and accepting both our strengths and our weaknesses.  The kids in my class learn to recognize how the best learn.  They learn to accept the different ways in which others learn.  They celebrate their successes in their stronger areas, and they provide encouragement in more challenging areas.  They talk about some of the quirks of being gifted, and we practice how to combat those in daily life.  They leave my classroom knowing how to tell next year's teacher that they are spatial so their desk might be messy, that they need to have structure in their personal routines, that they would like to put concepts to a song, that they need a quiet space to process, that sometimes they get frustrated but they know what to do when it happens. . .  Who else is better equipped to tell those around them about their special and specific needs?

I am going to be brutally honest here.  Very few people are going to advocate for your child.  If you are not advocating for your child, and if you are not teaching your child to speak up for themselves and their needs, no one else will.  And sadly, their needs will not be met. 

It is not worth it to me to try and appear humble, or to avoid stares.  When people ask me what I do, I don't say "Oh, I'm a teacher," or "I teach 1st grade."  I proudly tell people that I teach a self-contained classroom of the profoundly gifted.  When they stare and their mouths drop open and they begin to ask questions, I just as proudly answer them.  I challenge their preconceived ideas about giftedness, I brag about my students (the future of our world) and I push the envelope in order to be a voice for a population that is battered, bruised and ignored. 

You work just as hard parenting the gifted, and you deserve a medal or a badge of honor.  Do not be ashamed!  Your child did not ask to be created this way anymore than a child asked to be dyslexic or physically handicapped.  And you work just as hard at raising you high needs child. 

Be proud of the hard work you do every day- and use that pride to speak up for all the rest of the gifted. . .

Great News!

I like to read articles like this one in the newspaper.  Parents really can make a difference advocating for their children's needs.

Let's continue to work together to promote change and provide much needed programs for the gifted!

Please Don't Tell my Mom. . .

As a teacher, I am privy to a side of people's children that they often miss out on. I was remembering back on one of those moments parents don't see the other evening.

At the beginning of the school year, I was doing placement tests for my students for math.  I prefaced it by letting them know I would be asking them questions about what they might have learned in the previous year (I teach first grade) and some topics they might be learning about this year. 

I knew enough from previous years to know that no matter how good my warning, I would get a few familiar responses.  See if you can predict your child's response. . .

One or two of my little ones (usually boys) give up after the first unknown answer- crossing out each remaining question with a bold, heavy black  "x". 

A few  brave souls valiantly plug through the test, answering scattered questions, drawing pictures or question marks on those of which they are uncertain.

I always laugh at my little kiddoes who want me to stop the test to teach them exactly what they need to know to answer that question.  Sadly, we don't take time for impromptu division lessons, but I do let them know they will be learning some of those answers later on in the school year, and isn't it exciting to have so much to look forward to in math?!

The ones that break my heart, though, are not those described above.  Every year and in every class, I always have one who wants me to promise not to tell their parents that they didn't know all the answers. . .  It is devastating to me to see the tears in their eyes and the fear on their face when they cannot summon the correct answer by strength or determination. . . 

Now, I am not saying this because I think all you parents are out there coaching your six-year-olds and punishing them for asking questions and not knowing answers.  I say this because there is an inate perfectionism driving your gifted child.  An inordinate value being placed on knowing answers.  This is part of your child's identity and how they see themself, even at the age of five or six. . . 

I say this so you are aware and have a better understanding of the drama that every day life brings to your special and unique child. 

Is This Your Hill?

My husband and I have a phrase. Actually, it was my phrase from long before I was married or a teacher. . .

"Is this a hill to die on, or this a hill to climb over?"

You're probably asking yourself, what does this have to do with me as a parent of a gifted child or me as a teacher of gifted children. I would say, everything. I think this is one quote that can radically change your parenting or your teaching, and create harmony.

As we go about our daily lives, working and dealing with all kinds of people including those gifted, we are forced to make choices, lay down rules, enforce consequences.

Does it exhaust you?

Don't be shy; I know it does! I have talked to countless others in your shoes who barely manage to get undressed at night because of the fatigue! We are tired of explaining, answering why, defending our choices, facing a little pint sized judge and jury over every last action.

And I think it might be because you choose too many battles. We so want to children under our influence to turn into happy and successful adults that we turn into these nagging, nit-picking, critical caregivers. Instead of remembering our goal- happy and successful future adults- we get bogged down in the day to day minutia.

Have you found yourself

Annoyed that your child forgot their lunch box again?

Stressing over your child's apparent disregard of hygiene?

Irritated with mismatching socks?

Explaining for the tenth time why you chose to have spaghetti for dinner?

Frustrated your child still cannot tie their shoes?

Annoyed over a dirty bedroom?

I could go on and on (and on) giving examples of ways that gifted children seem to disappoint us. But I will get to my point.

Do those matter?

Really?

Look at the list. Which of these are keeping you from your goal of helping shape your child into future adults? If you are going through the day feeling exhausted, take a look at the battles you are choosing to fight with your child every day. Then take a look at WHY. If you don't have a really good reason for WHY, then let those battles go. Choose to climb on over that hill, and save your strength and energy for the battles that matter long term.

I'd say if you can winnow it down to just a handful of battles that are really important to you. Pick the things that matter the most to you as a parent or teacher. Then, fight those battles. Be consistent, be firm and fight to win. When you are letting that other stuff go, you (and the children you influence) will be much better off. . .