Parenting Gifted Kids

Social and Emotional Issues: Questions and Answers

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 05:35:00 +0000

All right, now it's your turn. Feel free to read over the back posts from this series:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Please let me know your questions on this topic that were raised by the posts, or that remain unanswered after the post. I will answer as many questions as I can on June 21st. Thank you for your participation!

Social and Emotional Issues: Part 4

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 01:34:00 +0000

Social and Emotional Issues: Part 3

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 01:34:00 +0000

We have been focusing on the social and emotional issues related to gifted children for the past several weeks. While we are all aware of the issues facing gifted children in this area, I thought it would be most helpful to discuss strategies to help students build their skills in social and emotional development.

Last week, we talked about using Bibliotherapy as a tool for aiding in the slower to develop social and emotional skills of gifted students. We will discuss another strategy this week.

In my first year teaching, I was fortunate enough to come across Responsive Classrooms theories. One of the main components of a Responsive Classroom is a morning meeting. This has taken many forms in my different classrooms, but one component has remained the same.

Role Playing.

As I have worked with gifted students, I have noticed a few things. First, gifted students have trouble reading social cues that most of the age peers innately are attuned to. Second, gifted students have difficulty responding appropriately in social settings, partly due to their inability to read social cues. This is just part of their busy, busy brain. It is so active cognitively that it struggles to keep up with the more interpersonal areas.

I have found that role playing is a tremendously valuable, and fun, way to help students in this area. We take a variety of situations, act them out, analyze them and recreate them. I recommend letting children practice both good and bad responses to situations. I help them to see the social cues that are being manifested, point out tone of voice, attempt role reversals, and many other critical skills.

This help students to be better equipped when these situations come up. They have a repertoire of responses and possible ways to diffuse or capitalize on situations.

If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. If you want to be good at the piano, practice. If you want to learn another language, practice. If you want to be good at social settings, practice. We are so used to these wonderfully brilliant kiddoes being good at everything that they try that we forget that in some areas, they are just like other kiddoes- needing practice and guidance to be successful at what really matters.

For teachers, in our class morning meeting, students raise concerns about the daily classroom occurrences. We use these as opportunities for role playing because they at the heart of students feelings. You might try doing this once a week or every few days. I found it was the fastest way to resolve conflicts and strife in the classroom and create harmony. I've heard many parents who have instituted "Family Meetings" as well to discuss concerns in the family and practice role playing responses.

A few of our more popular scenarios you could act out:

Asking someone to play (responding whether they say yes or no)

Someone not sharing

Not understanding a task (This is a good time to practice tone of voice)

When someone is spreading rumors about you

When the teacher marks your paper wrong incorrectly

A good rule of thumb for role playing is to teach your child to use "I" language instead of "you" language.

"I feel frustrated when I am left out." vs. "You always leave me out."

"I feel angry when I don't get to share my thoughts." vs. "You always boss me around."

"I don't understand why you chose to do this." vs. "You are wrong."

Resource of the Week:

Dilemma in a Jar from Free Spirit

I have used Dilemma in a jar for five years in my classroom. I have found it is a helpful way to start off a role play discussion. There are a variety of dilemmas written on slips of paper. Children can pull a dilemma, and then act it out and discuss. If you have trouble coming up with ideas with your child or student, this can be a great resource.

Social and Emotional Issues: Part 2

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 25 May 2010 01:33:00 +0000

We talked last week about some of the signs that your child may be gifted, based on their social and emotional tendencies when compared with their age level peers.

The bigger question, now that you have identified some of your concerns, is what to do about it. . .

I'd like to talk a little bit about bibliotherapy this week. Your child may already have retreated into books, and that might worry you. While we want gifted children (and all children) to form meaningful attachments to people around them and build interpersonal relationships, we also cannot discredit the importance of bibliotherapy.

This may be a term unfamiliar to you, as it was to me prior to joining the ranks of gifted educators. It simply means using books as tools of therapy for children. This tactic is especially helpful with students who are gifted. They have a better understanding of the abstract as well as an ability to extrapolate from hypothetical to actual situations.

As a parent, while you can't make friends for you child, you can help them to build their skills and expand their repertoire of experiences. One of the ways to build their experiences is through books. While your child can't go through every experience (and we certainly wouldn't want them to!), we can expose them through literature.

Let me give an example. Several years ago, I taught a student with Asperbergers. I knew before the school year that I would have this student, and I wanted to establish a supportive and understanding community. At the beginning of the school year, we did a book unit on the book Loser by Jerry Spinelli. The book chronicles the life a student with Asperbergers throughout his school year. Through reading the book together, we were able to talk through situations that might present themselves and hypothesize how we should each act in those situations. The book was critical in helping to establish a classroom where everyone could feel accepted and valued for themselves.

You could use this in your own home to talk about issues you want your child to understand. I always recommend that you preread a book before you read it together in order to make sure the content is appropriate for your personal family choices, and that you are prepared to answer questions your child might have. Here are several examples of books you might use and how:

On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
This book talks about two young boys who lie to their parents and the consequences. You could use this book to discuss honesty, peer pressure, and parental oversight.

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred Taylor
This is a great book to introduce the ideas of prejudice and social injustice. You can talk through many issues with your child as you determine what you feel about people's differences and how we relate to each other.

The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman
This is a great book to read with a daughter. You can spark excellent conversations about rising up from one's circumstances, the importance of perseverance and the fortitude of the human spirit.

These are just a few examples of ways you can use books to spark conversation and help connect with your child and talk through important issues. There are many, many books in the world just waiting to spark a conversation!

If you think your child is having a particular issue, I really recommend finding a book that is related to that issue and reading it together with your child. You may find your child is more willing to discuss the character and their challenges, as opposed to wanting to openly discuss their own concerns.

Please let me know if you have other questions about bibliotherapy as a strategy for helping gifted students with social and emotional concerns or if you would like me to recommend a specific book.

Resource of the Week:

Some of My Best Friends are Books

Social and Emotional Issues: Part 1

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 18 May 2010 01:33:00 +0000

Why is it important to address the social and emotional needs of the gifted?

Well, I think you know the answer to that. You are probably reading this because you have already noticed that your gifted child may not be like the other children. We know that they seem to have trouble in this area, and we want to help.

Today, I am going to highlight a few of the signs I have come into contact with in my years of working with gifted kids.

Highly gifted students have difficult accurately assessing social situations, missing social cues that many other age level mates navigate through

When given a choice, bright children will choose an individual activity over a group activity

Gifted kids feel lonely, set apart from their classroom peers

Young gifted children will persist in parallel play much longer than children their age

Gifted students often reach out in attempts to make friends, but feel rejected and end up isolating themselves

Bright children choose to be alone

Do you recognize some of these characteristics in your child? What are some other areas not mentioned that stand out as concerns for you as a parent of a gifted child?

Tune in next week and we will talk more about the social and emotional issues related to gifted students.

Recommended Resource of the Week:

The Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Children: What Do we Know

Thanks for Your Input

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 11 May 2010 01:30:00 +0000

For all of those who have taken the poll and given me their input on content, thank you!

One of the highest scores, and one of the issues I receive most questions and emails about, is the social and emotional development of gifted children.

My plan is to do a series of posts on the social and emotional development of gifted children. I plan to do four parts, each planned a week apart to post every Monday. On the final Monday, I plan to open the discussion up for Questions and Answers. I will do a final 5th post to answer those questions two Mondays from the final post to give people time to get their questions in on the Question and Answer post.

See you next Monday!

What Do You Want To See?

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Mon, 03 May 2010 17:07:00 +0000

I am in the process of revamping the blog. I was curious to know from those of you that are readers, what do you want to see? How can I be most helpful to you?

It would help me out tremendously in providing the content you are looking for if you would participate in my poll below.

Tutoring Available

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 16:52:00 +0000

For those of you in the Raleigh Triangle area of North Carolina, you might be excited to know I am offering tutoring now. Here's the info:

A former elementary education professional is now offering tutoring / enrichment near the NC State campus with an emphasis on providing a challenging and beneficial educational supplement.

Many schools are not adequately adaptable to the needs of gifted children. Sarah has an MA in Curriculum and Instructional Design for the Gifted and five years of teaching experience in self-contained gifted programs.

Email parentinggiftedkids@gmail.com to set up a schedule for your child. Parents can also come for consultations on how to work with and advocate for their own child. Group sessions are available at a discount.

Feel free to pass my info along to friends as well.

Book Review; A Love of Learning

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 16:55:00 +0000

My parent book club recently read the book A Love of Learning: Motivation and the Gifted Child by Carol Strip Whitney, Ph.D. and Gretchen Hirsch, available from Great Potential Press.

We had mixed feelings. If you surveyed the group at the end, I think you would have found a general feeling of the book not being quite what it promised. I'll break it down by the pros and cons.

PROS:

The first section what great. I really enjoyed the research on historical factors for motivation and gleaned a great deal of insight on how culture and families can encourage and instill motivation.
The book gave an excellent overview of giftedness which would be particularly helpful for those unschooled in it.
The book gave practical, though very general, suggestions for ways to understand and help with motivation.

CONS:

The book did not provide enough examples or enough ideas to be truly helpful.
There was a lack of information provided for creating motivation as opposed to regaining it. Several parents mentioned that their children did ever appear to have been motivated, so this was an area they were particularly hoping the book would address.
The book was too general without enough specifics.

Overall, I would recommend this book as an introduction to understanding gifted students and their unique problems with motivation. This book was definitely geared at students currently in a regular education environment and is less applicable to students in a gifted program setting.

You should consider purchasing this book if you want a broad understanding of challenges your child feels, or as a gift for a regular education teacher or new gifted coordinator.

Have you read the book? What are your thoughts?

Next up for the book club: Living With Intensity, also available from Great Potential Press.

My Apologies. . .

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 21:32:00 +0000

I have received several emails from faithful readers asking where I have gone. . . My husband and I just finished a cross country move because of his job, which has taken up most of our time.

I do plan to continue this website. My goal is to post once a week from here on out. Thanks to those who have continued reading. I will be posting this week with a book review from my parent book study group, and I have also been approached regarding a give away of math software.

See you soon!

Mayan Anyone?

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:17:00 +0000

We all know how those gifted children get caught up in the topical themes we are covering?

Well, my class is studying Mayan people. Anytime I can try to find some type of cross curricular link to make, I jump on it. So we had a lesson on Mayan numbers, which also reinforced our place value unit. They used a base twenty system which we compared to our base ten system.

We had a lot of fun calculating different numbers one afternoon and then we moved on to Mayan letters. I thought that was fun, but the end of it. . .

Well, the several mornings later on our morning math review, one sweet little girl comes up to solve the math problem. She wrote her answer in Mayan. . .

Math All Around?

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:20:00 +0000

Every day, my class does a routine called "Today's Number". This is one of our favorite times of day, and the kids always take note of where it falls when we go over our daily routine. Today, they actually asked if we could have math early because they couldn't wait to share their Today's Number.

We take the date and then find all the combinations and ways we recognize that number. We go through lots of different cycles that we like. One little boy tells us the order that the states joined the union. He also tells us what president was that number. We like to use big numbers like millions and trillions. We reinforce mathematical properties. They loved this month because now I go on the page for the 28th instead of the 27th. It is always a big deal on the 6th and the 7th because you get to do your own birthday. And of course, we have to write the number in Mayan each day. And place value blocks because of our current unit. The possibilities, are literally limitless.

But lately, we have been focusing on The Magic Treehouse. Yep, you heard me right.

It started simply enough. On the 7th, someone said Sunset of the Sabertooth. The next day, we did book #8 Midnight on the Moon.

We can't leave it at that though.

Today was the 4th. These were just a few of the suggestions for today's number.

Leprechaun in Late Winter (43) take away Goodnight for Ghosts (42) add Mummies in the Morning (3) equals 4.

Two copies of The Knight at Dawn equals 4.

Afternoon on the Amazon (6) take away Knight at Dawn (2) equals 4.

Dinosaurs Before Dark (1) multiplied by Pirates Past Noon (4) equals 4.

Who says math facts aren't fun?

What Are Kids Reading?

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:17:00 +0000

Our media clerk shared this study with us this week. I thought it was kind of interesting. They show the top 20 books kids read last year, based on the AR tests they took. Now, I won't talk (again) about how I am not a fan of AR (and thus how this is not the MOST credible source of what books kids are reading) but I can't find another way to determine what books are being read the most by kiddos. . .

Anyway. . .

If you want to check out what books kids are reading by grade level, here you go. Let me know if you think it matches up with what your kids like to read. It seems to be pretty true for my third graders last year, but my first graders this year are so high that it was way off for them.

Why the Labels?

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:30:00 +0000

And why this one in particular?

Gifted.

It sounds so snobby, so elitist. Isn't every child "gifted"? What makes this one so special?

Does any of this ring true? You may have heard these comments, and you may have thought them yourself. Of all the labels that we have in our society, in my experience, this is a particularly difficult one for folks to accept.

I have parents on campus come to me all the time, wanting me to affirm that their child really is gifted. I have many parents who choose never to tell their children that they are "gifted". I have had many parents ask me not to mention it in the classroom, or share that with their child.

But I refuse this last request.

Why?

Unfortunately, in our society, this is the accepted term for children with high intelligence. While we no longer use the term "retarded" for those on the other side of the spectrum, no new term has been coined for our equally special population. Until we can come up with something new in order to identify this population group, I will stick with what we have. While many people dispute who it truly applies to, the majority recognize at least a vague understanding of the meaning behind it.

Why do we need a label?

Identification is the key to change. In our current achievement and assessment heavy educational climate, those who have been identified are those who receive services. Those test scores mean something. They mean your child is entitled to an education that meets their educational needs in the same way that children identified in other ways are entitled to an education that meets their needs. Those scores, and that label, are your evidence in the battle you fight every day to make sure your child gets what they need!

That label also enables you, and your child, to be an advocate. In my classroom, we talk about being gifted. We don't sit around patting ourselves on the back (hello, they're six), but we talking about knowing and accepting both our strengths and our weaknesses. The kids in my class learn to recognize how the best learn. They learn to accept the different ways in which others learn. They celebrate their successes in their stronger areas, and they provide encouragement in more challenging areas. They talk about some of the quirks of being gifted, and we practice how to combat those in daily life. They leave my classroom knowing how to tell next year's teacher that they are spatial so their desk might be messy, that they need to have structure in their personal routines, that they would like to put concepts to a song, that they need a quiet space to process, that sometimes they get frustrated but they know what to do when it happens. . . Who else is better equipped to tell those around them about their special and specific needs?

I am going to be brutally honest here. Very few people are going to advocate for your child. If you are not advocating for your child, and if you are not teaching your child to speak up for themselves and their needs, no one else will. And sadly, their needs will not be met.

It is not worth it to me to try and appear humble, or to avoid stares. When people ask me what I do, I don't say "Oh, I'm a teacher," or "I teach 1st grade." I proudly tell people that I teach a self-contained classroom of the profoundly gifted. When they stare and their mouths drop open and they begin to ask questions, I just as proudly answer them. I challenge their preconceived ideas about giftedness, I brag about my students (the future of our world) and I push the envelope in order to be a voice for a population that is battered, bruised and ignored.

You work just as hard parenting the gifted, and you deserve a medal or a badge of honor. Do not be ashamed! Your child did not ask to be created this way anymore than a child asked to be dyslexic or physically handicapped. And you work just as hard at raising you high needs child.

Be proud of the hard work you do every day- and use that pride to speak up for all the rest of the gifted. . .

Great News!

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:11:00 +0000

I like to read articles like this one in the newspaper. Parents really can make a difference advocating for their children's needs.

Let's continue to work together to promote change and provide much needed programs for the gifted!

Please Don't Tell my Mom. . .

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 04:22:00 +0000

As a teacher, I am privy to a side of people's children that they often miss out on. I was remembering back on one of those moments parents don't see the other evening.

At the beginning of the school year, I was doing placement tests for my students for math. I prefaced it by letting them know I would be asking them questions about what they might have learned in the previous year (I teach first grade) and some topics they might be learning about this year.

I knew enough from previous years to know that no matter how good my warning, I would get a few familiar responses. See if you can predict your child's response. . .

One or two of my little ones (usually boys) give up after the first unknown answer- crossing out each remaining question with a bold, heavy black "x".

A few brave souls valiantly plug through the test, answering scattered questions, drawing pictures or question marks on those of which they are uncertain.

I always laugh at my little kiddoes who want me to stop the test to teach them exactly what they need to know to answer that question. Sadly, we don't take time for impromptu division lessons, but I do let them know they will be learning some of those answers later on in the school year, and isn't it exciting to have so much to look forward to in math?!

The ones that break my heart, though, are not those described above. Every year and in every class, I always have one who wants me to promise not to tell their parents that they didn't know all the answers. . . It is devastating to me to see the tears in their eyes and the fear on their face when they cannot summon the correct answer by strength or determination. . .

Now, I am not saying this because I think all you parents are out there coaching your six-year-olds and punishing them for asking questions and not knowing answers. I say this because there is an inate perfectionism driving your gifted child. An inordinate value being placed on knowing answers. This is part of your child's identity and how they see themself, even at the age of five or six. . .

I say this so you are aware and have a better understanding of the drama that every day life brings to your special and unique child.

Is This Your Hill?

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 06:20:00 +0000

My husband and I have a phrase. Actually, it was my phrase from long before I was married or a teacher. . .

"Is this a hill to die on, or this a hill to climb over?"

You're probably asking yourself, what does this have to do with me as a parent of a gifted child or me as a teacher of gifted children. I would say, everything. I think this is one quote that can radically change your parenting or your teaching, and create harmony.

As we go about our daily lives, working and dealing with all kinds of people including those gifted, we are forced to make choices, lay down rules, enforce consequences.

Does it exhaust you?

Don't be shy; I know it does! I have talked to countless others in your shoes who barely manage to get undressed at night because of the fatigue! We are tired of explaining, answering why, defending our choices, facing a little pint sized judge and jury over every last action.

And I think it might be because you choose too many battles. We so want to children under our influence to turn into happy and successful adults that we turn into these nagging, nit-picking, critical caregivers. Instead of remembering our goal- happy and successful future adults- we get bogged down in the day to day minutia.

Have you found yourself

Annoyed that your child forgot their lunch box again?

Stressing over your child's apparent disregard of hygiene?

Irritated with mismatching socks?

Explaining for the tenth time why you chose to have spaghetti for dinner?

Frustrated your child still cannot tie their shoes?

Annoyed over a dirty bedroom?

I could go on and on (and on) giving examples of ways that gifted children seem to disappoint us. But I will get to my point.

Do those matter?

Really?

Look at the list. Which of these are keeping you from your goal of helping shape your child into future adults? If you are going through the day feeling exhausted, take a look at the battles you are choosing to fight with your child every day. Then take a look at WHY. If you don't have a really good reason for WHY, then let those battles go. Choose to climb on over that hill, and save your strength and energy for the battles that matter long term.

I'd say if you can winnow it down to just a handful of battles that are really important to you. Pick the things that matter the most to you as a parent or teacher. Then, fight those battles. Be consistent, be firm and fight to win. When you are letting that other stuff go, you (and the children you influence) will be much better off. . .

Back to School

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 05:16:00 +0000

I think by now most everyone is back to school around the country. A few last, lingering East Coasters hold out until after Labor Day, but other than that I think we are back.

How is it going? What kind of school did you all decide on? Are you off to a great year?

I'd love to hear how this new adventure is shaping up! My year has been terrific, and I may post some back to school memories later this week if time allows.

***

Also, I will be posting about the first chapter of The Survival Guide for Gifted Parents this coming weekend, so be ready to start!

How to Teach Assertiveness: Overscheduling

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 00:48:00 +0000

Over and over, through the years of being and working with gifted students, there is one resounding concern. This is a reoccurring cry of loneliness. Gifted kids are intuitive enough to know that there is something different about them. They don't fit in quite right. They recognize that something about them makes it harder to relate to kids their own age, and it is more difficult to make friends. They know they want them; they are just not quite sure how to go about getting them!

As parents, you have probably begun to understand the lonely world of parenting a gifted child. . . It makes sense- only 3-5% of children are gifted, which is a huge minority. We need extra special help for this extra special population!

We have been looking at some strategies by which parents can help to teach their child to be more assertive. Today, we are going to look at how overscheduling can cause children to become passive or aggressive, and also keep them from making friends.

Gifted kids usually have a wide variety of interests. They become fascinated with and fixate on many diverse topics about which their beautiful brain wants to know all of the details. In addition, parents are often worried about missing opportunities, not exposing their child, or desiring to provide enrichment like all the experts advise.

This can lead to a child who has activities every night of the week, and multiple times on the weekends. We bump from activity to activity and spend our days (and often nights) in our cars. This leaves little time to connect as a family. It also leaves very little time for your child to play. They don't have time to play on their own independently and creatively, and they also don't have much time left for play dates with friends from school and their activities. Even if your child makes friends at all of these different activities- they will not have any time to play with them! In addition, the nature of structured activities is well-suited to the inquisitive gifted mind, but it is not very conducive to developing peer relationships, as children are usually moved from task to task with little downtime or discussion.

I offer an alternative that my own parents used; and my husband and I also plan to use. Pick one or two activities per child. You may decide that you will pick one activity, and your child will pick one. Oftentimes, gifted children shy away from activities they are not good at, so it may be in your child's best interest for you to pick an activity to challenge them. You can let your child decide the other activity. Your child may choose the same activity over and over, or may pick a variety of activities for short durations. Either way is fine- just make sure they stick with the activity until the end of the session (even if they are not good at it initially). This teaches other valuable life skills.

Choosing activities in this way will stretch your child. It will also free them up to spend time with their peers. You can plan play dates for them, or have them choose friends with whom they would like to play. One great technique I have seen in my class is to arrange classroom park days or group activities. This way, gifted children can play together while the parents talk. Friendships develop amongst like minded children which can be encouraged and grown with individual play dates after initial relationships have formed.

I cannot stress enough the benefit of free and unstructured play. Whether it is at a park, in your backyard or in your playroom- it is such an important socialization tool! Think about it- in a class or structured time, your child loses out on any independent decision making, problem solving, and individual interaction. The more time they have to practice these important skills, they better they will get at them.

I also recommend a "decompress" time after play dates. This is a time where you just talk to your child about the encounters. Discuss what went well, what didn't and why. Maybe you will need to role play certain exchanges so your child is equipped for the next time that a child speaks rudely, doesn't share, or leaves them out. Your "decompress" could be as simple as a conversation in the car on the way home, over the dinner table or before bed that night. Ask open-ended questions, listen and provide feedback where needed.

Let me know if you have any other suggestions or ideas that have worked for your family on avoiding overscheduling. Try it out- you won't be sorry!

How to Teach Assertiveness: Structure

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:37:00 +0000

One of the primary ways to teach assertiveness is by creating a structures environment. Children love to meet our expectations-we are just not usually very clear on them! By providing a routine schedule for the day, with flexible regularity, children begin to see patterns of activities and expected behaviors for those activities.

In my class room, a favored time of day is "Choice Time". This is the time of day when students get to play with all the fun enrichment activities, games and building supplies we have in our classroom. I also use "Choice Time" to help teach assertiveness.

In our daily morning meetings, we often role play how to ask a friend for a toy if they are hogging. We practice kindly letting someone know they are not sharing. We discuss ways to share our feelings with people who are whining, stealing, or otherwise annoying us. As the students share anonymous situations and practice responding, they are becoming equipped of assertiveness.

We wouldn't expect our child to give a speech or conduct an experiment without first preparing them. Relationships are much like speeches and experiments, particularly for the gifted child. We as teachers and parents need to work together to give gifted students the skills they need for these social interactions.

Join us tomorrow as we look at how to avoid overscheduling to promote assertiveness.

**For a more in-depth look at this topic, please read Dr. James Webb's A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children**

How to Teach Assertiveness. . .

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 03:23:00 +0000

In my classroom each year, we always try to focus on the social and emotional lives of gifted students, as well as their academics. This is an area where being trained in understanding giftedness is so helpful to working with this special population.

By nature, I see most (but not all) gifted children falling into one of two extremes.

The first extreme is passiveness. Gifted kids are intuitive and understand that they don't have friendships like their peers. In an effort to obtain these illusive friends, they become passive. They follow after peers, allow decisions to be made for them, and fear stating their own opinions.

On the other extreme, we see aggressive gifted students. Aggressiveness is characterized by a lack of tact. Aggressive students are often bossy, have poor impulse control, and are prone to emotional outbursts (both verbal and physical).

What we are striving for, in order to be successful in making friends and making it in life, is assertiveness. This is the happy medium between the two pendulum swings of passiveness and aggressiveness.

This week, I am going to talk about a few different strategies for helping to teach your child or your students to be more assertive. Check back tomorrow to see how structure helps instill assertiveness.

**For more on this topic, see A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children, by Dr. James Webb**

We Need to Meet About Your Child. . .

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:32:00 +0000

I know these words strike fear in the heart of every parent. I was watching a television program the other night where a teacher asked to meet with a parent about her child. . . It reminded me of an experience my mom had with my younger brother.

The teachers were concerned and thought my brother was mildly mentally handicapped. My mom thought they were crazy! In the case of the television show and my brother, boredom was masking itself as a learning disability. Turns out my brother and the little boy on the show were both brilliant! My brother graduated first in his high school class, and went on to become a successful chemical engineer. Do you know who he wanted to invite to his graduations?

His first grade teacher, who thought he was "slow". . .

As teachers, we leave an indelible imprint on the children whose lives we influence. For better or for worse.

We seem to know more easily what to do with a slow or a learning disabled child than we do an exceptionally bright child. I've dedicated my career to this special population, and I will admit that they often leave me confused, frustrated and downright tired! There is no manual or guide because each child is their own special amalgamation of characteristics. . . We learn as we go in this quandary called working and parenting the gifted.

How sad it is that this population is so mislabeled and misunderstood! How many of your parents out there have had similar experiences? How many of you teachers out there have had those meetings?

My hope is that with increased knowledge will come increased advocacy as well as increased opportunity for this wonderfully unique population.

How to Know a Good Gifted Program

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:41:00 +0000

I was recently reading some articles for gifted educators and came accross this interesting information to share with you.

Many parents write to me asking how they will know where to place their children, or how they will know if the program is good. Here are the elements of an effective gifted program. As you meet with schools and teacher, ask them about these areas to tell whether their program will meet your family's needs.

Program Design

The development of appropriate gifted education programming requires comprehensive services based on sound philosophical, theoretical, and empirical support.

Student Identification

Gifted learners' abilities must be assessed to determine appropriate educational services.

Curriculum and Instruction

Gifted education services must include curricular and instructional opportunities directed to the unique needs of the gifted child.

Socio-Emotional Guidance and Counseling

Gifted education programming must establish a plan to recognize and nurture the unique socio-emotional development of gifted learners.

Professional Development

Gifted learners are entitled to be served by professionals who have specialized preparation in gifted education, expertise in appropriate differentiated content and instructional methods, involvement in ongoing professional development, and who possess exemplary personal and professional traits.

Program Administration and Evaluation

Appropriate gifted education programming must include the establishment of a systematic means of developing, implementing, and managing services with an emphasis on:
Budgeting
Alignment with General Education
Strategic Planning

**Taken from the National Association of Gifted Children. For more info and resources, go here.**

On Volunteering. . .

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 18:26:00 +0000

I was recently asked this great question from a parent of a gifted child in a regular classroom:

What is the best use of our volunteer time? Their teacher for next year is not highly motivated but will probably welcome help.

Here is my response: That is a really great question! These are a few of the ways that I would offer to help.

First, so that you are successful in being able to volunteer, I would make sure that the teacher knows that you are trying to help her- not to "challenge" her. I have found that regular education teachers are very defensive with regards to having gifted kids in their classrooms. I would try to convey to her that you are not saying that she is not meeting the needs of the students or is not an effective teacher, but that you would like to help her be able to do that in the way that is best for the kids. You catch more flies with honey, they say, and I find it very true with regular education teachers.

Some of the ways that I utilize parents and tasks that you could volunteer for would be:
*Offering to lead small groups
This could be in helping to facilitate small groups for reading or math so that the students could be in differentiated instructional groups. I provide parents with training and resources, while they help with the groups. Many teachers fail to truly differentiate learning and provide alternate instruction for students because they don't have the time or the resources. Parents are an invaluable asset to managing these flexible groupings.
*Volunteering to help with remediation
In a regular education classroom (and often in a gifted classroom as well), much of the teacher's time is taken up by remediation. You could volunteer to work with a struggling student or two, go overing material the teacher has already covered and providing that extra practice the students need. This will free to teacher up to do enrichment or differentiated groupings with the rest of the class- instead of the rest of the class doing "busy work" while the teacher is working with struggling students.
*Coordinate a "Volunteer Station"
In my classroom, I have a volunteer station. It consists of a clipboard with a running list of tasks (copying, filing, laminating, collating, etc.). I put the list of tasks by the door. I also have stacking shelves labeled "copying", "collating", "distributing" and several other things. Next to them is a box for finished projects. They are right by the door, so parents can stay five minutes at drop off, before pick-up, or when they have a free half hour. This gives parents who want to help, but not work with students or who have limited time, a chance to be involved as well. I find that I do next to none of these tasks because the parents do a task, cross it off and put it in the finished basket before I can get to it. That leaves me free to do planning and work with students.

*Providing instructional resources
Parents are a wonderful source of information on new products or ideas to implement in the classroom. I have many that I would like to implement, but the school will not provide the needed supplies, and I am unable to purchase them. Two years ago, the parents chipped in to provide some of these supplies. They have helped purchase interactive simulations, supplies for model roller coasters and other items to make some truly wonderful learning experiences possible.

*Provide informational resources to your teacher
Perhaps for Christmas, the teacher's birthday, or Teacher Appreciation, you could provide a helpful aid. There are many wonderful books, instructional manuals, and magazine subscriptions that provide countless excellent strategies and guides for truly effective gifted instruction. Think about giving one of these instead of your traditional gift if you were planning on celebrating your teacher at these times.

*Encourage parents to keep in mind the bigger picture and let small things go
I have to say that, sadly, the majority of my planning and preparation time is often taken up by parents. It is so, so wonderful that parents want to be involved in the class and in their children's lives. But sometimes this is taken to an extreme, and small incidences of classroom behavior and interactions become huge ordeals filled with emails, phone calls, meetings with principals, meetings with groups of parents and more. As much as you are able, free your child's teacher to teach by not taking up her valuable time with minor issues. My husband and I have a saying: "Is this a hill we want to die on, or is this a hill we want to just climb over?" As you get ready to send an email or call your teacher to question her, keep that in mind. If you're not willing to die over it, just close the message box or hang up the phone. . . In doing so, remind yourself that this is freeing up your child's teacher to do what she was born and trained to do: teach your precious son or daughter.

*Be Supportive
We teachers work hard to make your child's learning fun as well as educational. When you see us doing something well, or your child has enjoyed it, let us know! Nothing is more helpful and encouraging than letting us know we are really making a difference. If a teacher implements a strategy or follows up on a request, let her know you appreciate it with a call or a note to let her know you noticed. We hear far more criticism than praise, and the praise is so very meaningful to a teacher. This is by far the best way you can help your child's teacher.

I hope that helps! If you would like more specifics about any of the suggestions, or had something else in mind, please let me know! Be sure to come back and tell how it goes!

Being Different is Great!

MikeandSarahRobbins@gmail.com (Sarah Robbins) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 15:26:00 +0000

At the beginning of the school year, I spend a fair amount of time assessing and learning where my students are at in their academics in different areas. I am always amazed at the range of emotions that my gifted students show in the classroom. Let me share with you how your child may be reacting.

The students in my class have an option to cross off a problem when they don't know how to solve it. When they think they don't know anymore, they can draw a line and stop. I always have several students asking me if it is "okay" to stop, or if they will get in trouble if they stop. They also ask if I will "not tell their parents" that they didn't know.

They want you to teach it to them right then! Instead of recognizing that it is okay not to know something, they want you to teach them each and every problem that they don't know- right then!

Gifted children place so much pressure on themselves. Unreasonable pressures that we as adults would obviously not place on them. I don't share this to make parents feel badly- it is most likely nothing you did. These are internal drives that are a part of who your child is.

I share to help you be aware and to remind you to celebrate your whole child. Take time to appreciate their strengths. But also take time to let them know that it is okay to not be best at everything. Teach them to enjoy activities for the sake of the pleasure they gain from them- even if they are not very good at it. Reassure and comfort them on their bad days, and practice working through these difficult and intense emotions with them. . .

As always, feel free to email or leave a comment for more questions or suggestions!